It's been like 687463342 days since I last blogged.
Alot of things happened for the past few months.
A deep shyt situation, life threatening moments, betrayal unfold, true friendship found, the happiness between a lovers, and finally the day to leave each other.
Family, work, finance, friendship, love.
I think I failed all of them, seriously.
I did things that hurt my parents feelings.
I was not doing anything worthwhile at work, and got a great life lecture.
I spend almost all my money on entertainment and my girl and a little bit of 'crazy' stuff.
I lost a few friends.
I had to breakup with my girl.
It is a long long story, lemme unfold it 1 by 1.
There is this guy, let's call him W.
W and me are kinda like friend since we work nearby, we got good impression of each other at first altho we aren't very close to each other. He didn't know that I started dating Yumi and I have known that he got a big crush on her but I didn't really think abt it until... he keep looking for her and everytime we argue, his name came up and I realize something starting to go wrong.
I invited him out and we talked abt it, I asked him abt her, and after finish discussing I told her no matter who she choose, deal with it with no hard feelings and he agreed.
I thought he understood but he keep pestering her. Candy couldn't bear it and told him, If you value your friend, you should back out when she obviously choosen me. If this keep on, he will lost a friend, that's what Candy said to him. After all this, he still continue to pester her, and I think to myself...''Even if you succeed, could you handle my girlfriend?"
And voila~ He got what he deserved . My gf used her as a companion when we had a bit of cold war and he thought he had become her boy. After a period of time, I asked her whether he is the right guy for her. She told me that he wasn't a right guy afterall and said I'm better. She kissed me after saying that and I told her that how can you kiss me when you are in another relationship. Wouldn't that guy become a pathetic idiot for being used? And she scolded me for calling my friend an idiot. It was a joke for me seriously, how could a guy like him be called my friend after all he did just for a girl, because of an obviously one sided love he felt cheated by my gf and stop being my friend...how hilarious.
I keep trying to 'save' her all this time from repeating her past mistakes which made her like this but I realize I'm stupid. I believed in her because I still have hopes in her but she took it for granted all the time. I keep asking her, why did you keep falling deeper and deeper.
The thing that made me felt stupid that time wasn't because of her breaking my heart, but it is because I didn't realize that.....I was falling down to the same depth as her...a person declared by people as rotten.
Why you ask?
My friends and family asked what happened to me, both my look and personality changed alot.
Weird questions from them made me think, what happened to me after she walked into my life.
Well, 1 of the point is because there is a week which I lost 5 kgs, I guess?
My performance at work was questioned by my superior.
He asked me is it because of her, and he said he is dissapointed at me.
He told me girls nowadays good at injecting poison within us, slowly destroying us from the inside. I get what he said, really, for what am I now, standing infront of him.
Yin always be there everytime I got hurt. I think I owe her alot for helping me.
Johann and the others keep telling me to think carefully about my actions.
Even after a few attempts to leave each other, we still bound together.
Every time we kisses and make love, it is more difficult for us to stay away from each other.
In the end, I decided to break up and told her that we should stop contacting each other for our sake.I believed this and told her, if one day we are matured enough and still have each other at heart, we will eventually bound to be together.
After my mind has cleared, my friends all started to accept me back which a cheerful smile.
Kenny told me, everyone will make mistakes and after the clouds are gone, we will eventually see the sun again and tell me everything's gonna be alright.
My parents forgives me in the end.
Everything are alright now...but 1 thing I know for sure..I'm unable to be the old me..anymore.
Many thanks to the following people for helping me to go through this:
My parents - Forgives me for being an ass.
Kenny - Forgives me, gave me great life lesson, taught me various of things.
Yin - For being there for me when I got hurt.
Johann - For being an alarm for me, telling me it is time to let go of things.
Candy - For patching things up when I fought with her.
Kit - For fetching me to yum cha and Genting during midnight to cheer me up or have fun.
Dickson - For his funny crap which is comparable to Stephen Chow.
Lyvian - For taking care of me like a kid.
Max - For consulting and crap with me.
Joel - For cheering me up and celebrates X'mas & New Year with me.
Maggie - For cheering me up and telling me the danger of HIV.
Kira - For updating me with various news to avoid things.
Ereen - For her lotsa sugesstion when I'm clouded.
Ali - For helping me and telling me that I'm a bad ass.
And all the others that are not mentioned, thanks.
It is a great hapiness for me now,
for I'm being able to love you so,
but being the person I'm growing into makes me know,
that it is finally the time to let you go.
-Sum
2010
